I don't like people but I like buddhism












4















I'm a bit confused. I had a rather crappy childhood. Very disfunctional family and lots of bullying and abuse both at home and at school. It kind of made me very distrusting of people. I learnt at a young age that people would hurt me, let me down, abandon me and could not be trusted.



Many people seemed to not like me for no particular reason other than that I was not a stereotype of how a boy should be in the culture in which I grew up. It really knocked any confidence out of me and I ended up hanging out with other misfits, fell into the wrong crowd and had a drug habit for many years from my teens to my late 20s.



I had a string of failed disfunctional relationships and seemed to have an inability to form healthy supportive ones not only on an intimate level but also friendships. I eventually met someone who stuck around for longer but they left in the end which really broke my heart.



Half way through that relationship I started practicing insight meditation the kind that Joseph Goldstein and others of that ilk teach. Its been approx 7 years now I think. So anyway I thought that buddhism might help me to be a happier person, more compassionate, more kind, more accepting etc but the truth is I don't feel any of those things.



I'm actually a recluse now at 50 years old as I cannot tolerate most people. I've cut out any friends I had and I can't stand my family at all. My niece is getting married but I'm not even going because I don't want to be around people and all the crap that is involved. I'm actually very lonely and think about how nice it will be to die sometimes. I hate my work because I feel im capable of so much more but because of my lack of confidence and self belief I don't try to do something else. I have been this way for so long that it's virtually impossible to get any decent work now because I have this really sketchy work history and people don't give me a go and so I never can get anywhere financially. No money, no friends and hate my family. So what is the point really in continuing on. It's all just this never ending uphill struggle and I'm sick of it.



What im confused about is how I can appreciate the teachings of Buddha and practice meditation but at the same time be this miserable lonely misanthropic person. I realise I have created these conditions but they are the result of my reactions towards people and how I felt and still feel so unsafe because of abuse etc. I have lived with maladaptive coping mechanisms that have protected me on the one hand but ruined my life on the other.



I wish I could leave the city and live on some beautiful land somewhere surrounded by nature but it's not possible because of money. I feel like a caged animal just waiting for my time to end. I do have some nice calm moments and feelings during sitting sometimes but I don't feel free. I don't even want to practice metta etc because I just don't like people. Only being honest. I feel completely different about animals. I love animals and feel very kind and compassionate towards them but people just annoy me with their egotism, vanity, superficiality, stupidness, ignorance, need I go on. So my question is how can I utilise buddhism and meditation to effect some real positive change because so far it's not working. I seem to be getting worse.










share|improve this question



























    4















    I'm a bit confused. I had a rather crappy childhood. Very disfunctional family and lots of bullying and abuse both at home and at school. It kind of made me very distrusting of people. I learnt at a young age that people would hurt me, let me down, abandon me and could not be trusted.



    Many people seemed to not like me for no particular reason other than that I was not a stereotype of how a boy should be in the culture in which I grew up. It really knocked any confidence out of me and I ended up hanging out with other misfits, fell into the wrong crowd and had a drug habit for many years from my teens to my late 20s.



    I had a string of failed disfunctional relationships and seemed to have an inability to form healthy supportive ones not only on an intimate level but also friendships. I eventually met someone who stuck around for longer but they left in the end which really broke my heart.



    Half way through that relationship I started practicing insight meditation the kind that Joseph Goldstein and others of that ilk teach. Its been approx 7 years now I think. So anyway I thought that buddhism might help me to be a happier person, more compassionate, more kind, more accepting etc but the truth is I don't feel any of those things.



    I'm actually a recluse now at 50 years old as I cannot tolerate most people. I've cut out any friends I had and I can't stand my family at all. My niece is getting married but I'm not even going because I don't want to be around people and all the crap that is involved. I'm actually very lonely and think about how nice it will be to die sometimes. I hate my work because I feel im capable of so much more but because of my lack of confidence and self belief I don't try to do something else. I have been this way for so long that it's virtually impossible to get any decent work now because I have this really sketchy work history and people don't give me a go and so I never can get anywhere financially. No money, no friends and hate my family. So what is the point really in continuing on. It's all just this never ending uphill struggle and I'm sick of it.



    What im confused about is how I can appreciate the teachings of Buddha and practice meditation but at the same time be this miserable lonely misanthropic person. I realise I have created these conditions but they are the result of my reactions towards people and how I felt and still feel so unsafe because of abuse etc. I have lived with maladaptive coping mechanisms that have protected me on the one hand but ruined my life on the other.



    I wish I could leave the city and live on some beautiful land somewhere surrounded by nature but it's not possible because of money. I feel like a caged animal just waiting for my time to end. I do have some nice calm moments and feelings during sitting sometimes but I don't feel free. I don't even want to practice metta etc because I just don't like people. Only being honest. I feel completely different about animals. I love animals and feel very kind and compassionate towards them but people just annoy me with their egotism, vanity, superficiality, stupidness, ignorance, need I go on. So my question is how can I utilise buddhism and meditation to effect some real positive change because so far it's not working. I seem to be getting worse.










    share|improve this question

























      4












      4








      4








      I'm a bit confused. I had a rather crappy childhood. Very disfunctional family and lots of bullying and abuse both at home and at school. It kind of made me very distrusting of people. I learnt at a young age that people would hurt me, let me down, abandon me and could not be trusted.



      Many people seemed to not like me for no particular reason other than that I was not a stereotype of how a boy should be in the culture in which I grew up. It really knocked any confidence out of me and I ended up hanging out with other misfits, fell into the wrong crowd and had a drug habit for many years from my teens to my late 20s.



      I had a string of failed disfunctional relationships and seemed to have an inability to form healthy supportive ones not only on an intimate level but also friendships. I eventually met someone who stuck around for longer but they left in the end which really broke my heart.



      Half way through that relationship I started practicing insight meditation the kind that Joseph Goldstein and others of that ilk teach. Its been approx 7 years now I think. So anyway I thought that buddhism might help me to be a happier person, more compassionate, more kind, more accepting etc but the truth is I don't feel any of those things.



      I'm actually a recluse now at 50 years old as I cannot tolerate most people. I've cut out any friends I had and I can't stand my family at all. My niece is getting married but I'm not even going because I don't want to be around people and all the crap that is involved. I'm actually very lonely and think about how nice it will be to die sometimes. I hate my work because I feel im capable of so much more but because of my lack of confidence and self belief I don't try to do something else. I have been this way for so long that it's virtually impossible to get any decent work now because I have this really sketchy work history and people don't give me a go and so I never can get anywhere financially. No money, no friends and hate my family. So what is the point really in continuing on. It's all just this never ending uphill struggle and I'm sick of it.



      What im confused about is how I can appreciate the teachings of Buddha and practice meditation but at the same time be this miserable lonely misanthropic person. I realise I have created these conditions but they are the result of my reactions towards people and how I felt and still feel so unsafe because of abuse etc. I have lived with maladaptive coping mechanisms that have protected me on the one hand but ruined my life on the other.



      I wish I could leave the city and live on some beautiful land somewhere surrounded by nature but it's not possible because of money. I feel like a caged animal just waiting for my time to end. I do have some nice calm moments and feelings during sitting sometimes but I don't feel free. I don't even want to practice metta etc because I just don't like people. Only being honest. I feel completely different about animals. I love animals and feel very kind and compassionate towards them but people just annoy me with their egotism, vanity, superficiality, stupidness, ignorance, need I go on. So my question is how can I utilise buddhism and meditation to effect some real positive change because so far it's not working. I seem to be getting worse.










      share|improve this question














      I'm a bit confused. I had a rather crappy childhood. Very disfunctional family and lots of bullying and abuse both at home and at school. It kind of made me very distrusting of people. I learnt at a young age that people would hurt me, let me down, abandon me and could not be trusted.



      Many people seemed to not like me for no particular reason other than that I was not a stereotype of how a boy should be in the culture in which I grew up. It really knocked any confidence out of me and I ended up hanging out with other misfits, fell into the wrong crowd and had a drug habit for many years from my teens to my late 20s.



      I had a string of failed disfunctional relationships and seemed to have an inability to form healthy supportive ones not only on an intimate level but also friendships. I eventually met someone who stuck around for longer but they left in the end which really broke my heart.



      Half way through that relationship I started practicing insight meditation the kind that Joseph Goldstein and others of that ilk teach. Its been approx 7 years now I think. So anyway I thought that buddhism might help me to be a happier person, more compassionate, more kind, more accepting etc but the truth is I don't feel any of those things.



      I'm actually a recluse now at 50 years old as I cannot tolerate most people. I've cut out any friends I had and I can't stand my family at all. My niece is getting married but I'm not even going because I don't want to be around people and all the crap that is involved. I'm actually very lonely and think about how nice it will be to die sometimes. I hate my work because I feel im capable of so much more but because of my lack of confidence and self belief I don't try to do something else. I have been this way for so long that it's virtually impossible to get any decent work now because I have this really sketchy work history and people don't give me a go and so I never can get anywhere financially. No money, no friends and hate my family. So what is the point really in continuing on. It's all just this never ending uphill struggle and I'm sick of it.



      What im confused about is how I can appreciate the teachings of Buddha and practice meditation but at the same time be this miserable lonely misanthropic person. I realise I have created these conditions but they are the result of my reactions towards people and how I felt and still feel so unsafe because of abuse etc. I have lived with maladaptive coping mechanisms that have protected me on the one hand but ruined my life on the other.



      I wish I could leave the city and live on some beautiful land somewhere surrounded by nature but it's not possible because of money. I feel like a caged animal just waiting for my time to end. I do have some nice calm moments and feelings during sitting sometimes but I don't feel free. I don't even want to practice metta etc because I just don't like people. Only being honest. I feel completely different about animals. I love animals and feel very kind and compassionate towards them but people just annoy me with their egotism, vanity, superficiality, stupidness, ignorance, need I go on. So my question is how can I utilise buddhism and meditation to effect some real positive change because so far it's not working. I seem to be getting worse.







      meditation






      share|improve this question













      share|improve this question











      share|improve this question




      share|improve this question










      asked 1 hour ago









      ArturiaArturia

      1,423516




      1,423516






















          3 Answers
          3






          active

          oldest

          votes


















          1














          When you feel like you don't like people because of their "egotism, vanity, superficiality, stupidness, ignorance", you can use this opportunity to cultivate the brahmavihara of compassion (karuna).



          Why are they the way they are? For e.g. if your grandmother who has senile dementia lashes out at you in anger or doesn't behave like normal people do, would you be judgemental or contemptuous against her? No. You would be compassionate towards her, because you understand that she has senile dementia.



          Similarly, you can generate compassion by trying to understand that other people are suffering and there may be genuine underlying reasons for their suffering and condition. It could be their life situation (e.g. poverty or undergoing divorce) or even mental states (e.g. ignorance, or clouded by anger or other negative emotions).



          Instead of playing the role of a victim or a contemptuous person or a hateful person, you can become compassionate towards others by recognizing that people who demonstrate "egotism, vanity, superficiality, stupidness, ignorance" are actually suffering.



          By tending to your own renunciation, you may be feeling more calm, but by cultivating compassion, you can create the balance needed in dealing with others. Renunciation and equanimity is how you deal with your own suffering. Meanwhile, compassion is how you deal with others' suffering.



          Bhikkhu Bodhi wrote in "The Balanced Way":




          Like a bird in flight borne by its two wings, the practice of Dhamma
          is sustained by two contrasting qualities whose balanced development
          is essential to straight and steady progress. These two qualities are
          renunciation and compassion. As a doctrine of renunciation the Dhamma
          points out that the path to liberation is a personal course of
          training that centers on the gradual control and mastery of desire,
          the root cause of suffering. As a teaching of compassion the Dhamma
          bids us to avoid harming others, to act for their welfare, and to help
          realize the Buddha's own great resolve to offer the world the way to
          the Deathless.



          Considered in isolation, renunciation and compassion have inverse
          logics that at times seem to point us in opposite directions. The one
          steers us to greater solitude aimed at personal purification, the
          other to increased involvement with others issuing in beneficent
          action. Yet, despite their differences, renunciation and compassion
          nurture each other in dynamic interplay throughout the practice of the
          path, from its elementary steps of moral discipline to its culmination
          in liberating wisdom. The synthesis of the two, their balanced fusion,
          is expressed most perfectly in the figure of the Fully Enlightened
          One, who is at once the embodiment of complete renunciation and of
          all-embracing compassion.



          Both renunciation and compassion share a common root in the encounter
          with suffering. The one represents our response to suffering
          confronted in our own individual experience, the other our response to
          suffering witnessed in the lives of others. Our spontaneous reactions,
          however, are only the seeds of these higher qualities, not their
          substance. To acquire the capacity to sustain our practice of Dhamma,
          renunciation and compassion must be methodically cultivated, and this
          requires an ongoing process of reflection which transmutes our initial
          stirrings into full-fledged spiritual virtues.







          share|improve this answer































            0














            On the essential level, Buddhist practise brings equanimity. The modern world isn't really a place that inspires much appreciation. While it sounds like you have had difficulties in your life, even if these difficulties didn't occur, the world would be similar because these difficult experiences are symptomatic of the world. For example, for the last 7 years, proxy terrorists have been attacking the Syrian people and, now, since the the terrorists have been defeated, first the USA and today Israel is bombing the Syrian people. No one cares! The Western world has no more moral values. People just engaged in self-absorbed narcissism. These are opportunities to give up attachment to the world. But that you appreciate the Buddha; that is the best & something potentially of great value. I often talk to the Buddha. Its like the Buddha is my only true friend. When I talk to him; he replies with his wisdom (which naturally is just what I have read in the suttas).



            When Buddhist preach all this condescending stuff about "compassion"; forget it. Its just non-sense. See the world clearly, develop equanimity and be beyond the world (per the Lokavagga).



            I think we discussed leaving the city, before. You can always try here; even just for a day or weekend.






            share|improve this answer


























            • Hi thanks for your comments. I had a look at the Lokavagga but like much of the suttas I don't get it. It's written in this kind of mystical way that makes it impossible for me to get the underlying message. I get that it's saying to not be drawn in to the ways of the world but that's about it. I had forgotten about the wat so thanks for reminding me.

              – Arturia
              7 mins ago





















            0














            The truth is there is not so much thing in an ordinary human that is to be liked. If you can see that it can be a sign that you see the nature of reality more clearly and you're moving in spirituality quickly. It is better for you to either live in solitude or find a sangha, surround yourself with meditators who are at least have some degree of awareness that make them different then the ordinary people who are just enslaved by the evil nature of humanity.



            I may be wrong, but as I remember Thich Nhat Hanh said that an ordinary person is like a "dead person". Who don't have awareness. I think "dead person" means "dead body" here. Because the being that leaves the body after death have awareness but the "body" don't. An ordinary person is really like a dead body or like a tree who don't really have awareness and living in complete darkness. So you can literally see an ordinary person as "mentally ill" and there is nothing wrong in that. This way of looking to the human world can grow compassion, understanding and equanimity in you. But the environment, society and the culture that effects the person makes a difference. There are places/cultures/environments in the world that really not so much different than "Mordor" LOL. If a person lives in a Western country or in a Buddhist country he/she can be grateful for living in "relatively" more sane societies. Also, in these countries you can build a "Sangha", which makes a huge difference in peace of your mind and your success in the Buddhist path of freedom from suffering.



            https://www.britannica.com/topic/sangha






            share|improve this answer

























              Your Answer








              StackExchange.ready(function() {
              var channelOptions = {
              tags: "".split(" "),
              id: "565"
              };
              initTagRenderer("".split(" "), "".split(" "), channelOptions);

              StackExchange.using("externalEditor", function() {
              // Have to fire editor after snippets, if snippets enabled
              if (StackExchange.settings.snippets.snippetsEnabled) {
              StackExchange.using("snippets", function() {
              createEditor();
              });
              }
              else {
              createEditor();
              }
              });

              function createEditor() {
              StackExchange.prepareEditor({
              heartbeatType: 'answer',
              autoActivateHeartbeat: false,
              convertImagesToLinks: false,
              noModals: true,
              showLowRepImageUploadWarning: true,
              reputationToPostImages: null,
              bindNavPrevention: true,
              postfix: "",
              imageUploader: {
              brandingHtml: "Powered by u003ca class="icon-imgur-white" href="https://imgur.com/"u003eu003c/au003e",
              contentPolicyHtml: "User contributions licensed under u003ca href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/"u003ecc by-sa 3.0 with attribution requiredu003c/au003e u003ca href="https://stackoverflow.com/legal/content-policy"u003e(content policy)u003c/au003e",
              allowUrls: true
              },
              noCode: true, onDemand: true,
              discardSelector: ".discard-answer"
              ,immediatelyShowMarkdownHelp:true
              });


              }
              });














              draft saved

              draft discarded


















              StackExchange.ready(
              function () {
              StackExchange.openid.initPostLogin('.new-post-login', 'https%3a%2f%2fbuddhism.stackexchange.com%2fquestions%2f30692%2fi-dont-like-people-but-i-like-buddhism%23new-answer', 'question_page');
              }
              );

              Post as a guest















              Required, but never shown

























              3 Answers
              3






              active

              oldest

              votes








              3 Answers
              3






              active

              oldest

              votes









              active

              oldest

              votes






              active

              oldest

              votes









              1














              When you feel like you don't like people because of their "egotism, vanity, superficiality, stupidness, ignorance", you can use this opportunity to cultivate the brahmavihara of compassion (karuna).



              Why are they the way they are? For e.g. if your grandmother who has senile dementia lashes out at you in anger or doesn't behave like normal people do, would you be judgemental or contemptuous against her? No. You would be compassionate towards her, because you understand that she has senile dementia.



              Similarly, you can generate compassion by trying to understand that other people are suffering and there may be genuine underlying reasons for their suffering and condition. It could be their life situation (e.g. poverty or undergoing divorce) or even mental states (e.g. ignorance, or clouded by anger or other negative emotions).



              Instead of playing the role of a victim or a contemptuous person or a hateful person, you can become compassionate towards others by recognizing that people who demonstrate "egotism, vanity, superficiality, stupidness, ignorance" are actually suffering.



              By tending to your own renunciation, you may be feeling more calm, but by cultivating compassion, you can create the balance needed in dealing with others. Renunciation and equanimity is how you deal with your own suffering. Meanwhile, compassion is how you deal with others' suffering.



              Bhikkhu Bodhi wrote in "The Balanced Way":




              Like a bird in flight borne by its two wings, the practice of Dhamma
              is sustained by two contrasting qualities whose balanced development
              is essential to straight and steady progress. These two qualities are
              renunciation and compassion. As a doctrine of renunciation the Dhamma
              points out that the path to liberation is a personal course of
              training that centers on the gradual control and mastery of desire,
              the root cause of suffering. As a teaching of compassion the Dhamma
              bids us to avoid harming others, to act for their welfare, and to help
              realize the Buddha's own great resolve to offer the world the way to
              the Deathless.



              Considered in isolation, renunciation and compassion have inverse
              logics that at times seem to point us in opposite directions. The one
              steers us to greater solitude aimed at personal purification, the
              other to increased involvement with others issuing in beneficent
              action. Yet, despite their differences, renunciation and compassion
              nurture each other in dynamic interplay throughout the practice of the
              path, from its elementary steps of moral discipline to its culmination
              in liberating wisdom. The synthesis of the two, their balanced fusion,
              is expressed most perfectly in the figure of the Fully Enlightened
              One, who is at once the embodiment of complete renunciation and of
              all-embracing compassion.



              Both renunciation and compassion share a common root in the encounter
              with suffering. The one represents our response to suffering
              confronted in our own individual experience, the other our response to
              suffering witnessed in the lives of others. Our spontaneous reactions,
              however, are only the seeds of these higher qualities, not their
              substance. To acquire the capacity to sustain our practice of Dhamma,
              renunciation and compassion must be methodically cultivated, and this
              requires an ongoing process of reflection which transmutes our initial
              stirrings into full-fledged spiritual virtues.







              share|improve this answer




























                1














                When you feel like you don't like people because of their "egotism, vanity, superficiality, stupidness, ignorance", you can use this opportunity to cultivate the brahmavihara of compassion (karuna).



                Why are they the way they are? For e.g. if your grandmother who has senile dementia lashes out at you in anger or doesn't behave like normal people do, would you be judgemental or contemptuous against her? No. You would be compassionate towards her, because you understand that she has senile dementia.



                Similarly, you can generate compassion by trying to understand that other people are suffering and there may be genuine underlying reasons for their suffering and condition. It could be their life situation (e.g. poverty or undergoing divorce) or even mental states (e.g. ignorance, or clouded by anger or other negative emotions).



                Instead of playing the role of a victim or a contemptuous person or a hateful person, you can become compassionate towards others by recognizing that people who demonstrate "egotism, vanity, superficiality, stupidness, ignorance" are actually suffering.



                By tending to your own renunciation, you may be feeling more calm, but by cultivating compassion, you can create the balance needed in dealing with others. Renunciation and equanimity is how you deal with your own suffering. Meanwhile, compassion is how you deal with others' suffering.



                Bhikkhu Bodhi wrote in "The Balanced Way":




                Like a bird in flight borne by its two wings, the practice of Dhamma
                is sustained by two contrasting qualities whose balanced development
                is essential to straight and steady progress. These two qualities are
                renunciation and compassion. As a doctrine of renunciation the Dhamma
                points out that the path to liberation is a personal course of
                training that centers on the gradual control and mastery of desire,
                the root cause of suffering. As a teaching of compassion the Dhamma
                bids us to avoid harming others, to act for their welfare, and to help
                realize the Buddha's own great resolve to offer the world the way to
                the Deathless.



                Considered in isolation, renunciation and compassion have inverse
                logics that at times seem to point us in opposite directions. The one
                steers us to greater solitude aimed at personal purification, the
                other to increased involvement with others issuing in beneficent
                action. Yet, despite their differences, renunciation and compassion
                nurture each other in dynamic interplay throughout the practice of the
                path, from its elementary steps of moral discipline to its culmination
                in liberating wisdom. The synthesis of the two, their balanced fusion,
                is expressed most perfectly in the figure of the Fully Enlightened
                One, who is at once the embodiment of complete renunciation and of
                all-embracing compassion.



                Both renunciation and compassion share a common root in the encounter
                with suffering. The one represents our response to suffering
                confronted in our own individual experience, the other our response to
                suffering witnessed in the lives of others. Our spontaneous reactions,
                however, are only the seeds of these higher qualities, not their
                substance. To acquire the capacity to sustain our practice of Dhamma,
                renunciation and compassion must be methodically cultivated, and this
                requires an ongoing process of reflection which transmutes our initial
                stirrings into full-fledged spiritual virtues.







                share|improve this answer


























                  1












                  1








                  1







                  When you feel like you don't like people because of their "egotism, vanity, superficiality, stupidness, ignorance", you can use this opportunity to cultivate the brahmavihara of compassion (karuna).



                  Why are they the way they are? For e.g. if your grandmother who has senile dementia lashes out at you in anger or doesn't behave like normal people do, would you be judgemental or contemptuous against her? No. You would be compassionate towards her, because you understand that she has senile dementia.



                  Similarly, you can generate compassion by trying to understand that other people are suffering and there may be genuine underlying reasons for their suffering and condition. It could be their life situation (e.g. poverty or undergoing divorce) or even mental states (e.g. ignorance, or clouded by anger or other negative emotions).



                  Instead of playing the role of a victim or a contemptuous person or a hateful person, you can become compassionate towards others by recognizing that people who demonstrate "egotism, vanity, superficiality, stupidness, ignorance" are actually suffering.



                  By tending to your own renunciation, you may be feeling more calm, but by cultivating compassion, you can create the balance needed in dealing with others. Renunciation and equanimity is how you deal with your own suffering. Meanwhile, compassion is how you deal with others' suffering.



                  Bhikkhu Bodhi wrote in "The Balanced Way":




                  Like a bird in flight borne by its two wings, the practice of Dhamma
                  is sustained by two contrasting qualities whose balanced development
                  is essential to straight and steady progress. These two qualities are
                  renunciation and compassion. As a doctrine of renunciation the Dhamma
                  points out that the path to liberation is a personal course of
                  training that centers on the gradual control and mastery of desire,
                  the root cause of suffering. As a teaching of compassion the Dhamma
                  bids us to avoid harming others, to act for their welfare, and to help
                  realize the Buddha's own great resolve to offer the world the way to
                  the Deathless.



                  Considered in isolation, renunciation and compassion have inverse
                  logics that at times seem to point us in opposite directions. The one
                  steers us to greater solitude aimed at personal purification, the
                  other to increased involvement with others issuing in beneficent
                  action. Yet, despite their differences, renunciation and compassion
                  nurture each other in dynamic interplay throughout the practice of the
                  path, from its elementary steps of moral discipline to its culmination
                  in liberating wisdom. The synthesis of the two, their balanced fusion,
                  is expressed most perfectly in the figure of the Fully Enlightened
                  One, who is at once the embodiment of complete renunciation and of
                  all-embracing compassion.



                  Both renunciation and compassion share a common root in the encounter
                  with suffering. The one represents our response to suffering
                  confronted in our own individual experience, the other our response to
                  suffering witnessed in the lives of others. Our spontaneous reactions,
                  however, are only the seeds of these higher qualities, not their
                  substance. To acquire the capacity to sustain our practice of Dhamma,
                  renunciation and compassion must be methodically cultivated, and this
                  requires an ongoing process of reflection which transmutes our initial
                  stirrings into full-fledged spiritual virtues.







                  share|improve this answer













                  When you feel like you don't like people because of their "egotism, vanity, superficiality, stupidness, ignorance", you can use this opportunity to cultivate the brahmavihara of compassion (karuna).



                  Why are they the way they are? For e.g. if your grandmother who has senile dementia lashes out at you in anger or doesn't behave like normal people do, would you be judgemental or contemptuous against her? No. You would be compassionate towards her, because you understand that she has senile dementia.



                  Similarly, you can generate compassion by trying to understand that other people are suffering and there may be genuine underlying reasons for their suffering and condition. It could be their life situation (e.g. poverty or undergoing divorce) or even mental states (e.g. ignorance, or clouded by anger or other negative emotions).



                  Instead of playing the role of a victim or a contemptuous person or a hateful person, you can become compassionate towards others by recognizing that people who demonstrate "egotism, vanity, superficiality, stupidness, ignorance" are actually suffering.



                  By tending to your own renunciation, you may be feeling more calm, but by cultivating compassion, you can create the balance needed in dealing with others. Renunciation and equanimity is how you deal with your own suffering. Meanwhile, compassion is how you deal with others' suffering.



                  Bhikkhu Bodhi wrote in "The Balanced Way":




                  Like a bird in flight borne by its two wings, the practice of Dhamma
                  is sustained by two contrasting qualities whose balanced development
                  is essential to straight and steady progress. These two qualities are
                  renunciation and compassion. As a doctrine of renunciation the Dhamma
                  points out that the path to liberation is a personal course of
                  training that centers on the gradual control and mastery of desire,
                  the root cause of suffering. As a teaching of compassion the Dhamma
                  bids us to avoid harming others, to act for their welfare, and to help
                  realize the Buddha's own great resolve to offer the world the way to
                  the Deathless.



                  Considered in isolation, renunciation and compassion have inverse
                  logics that at times seem to point us in opposite directions. The one
                  steers us to greater solitude aimed at personal purification, the
                  other to increased involvement with others issuing in beneficent
                  action. Yet, despite their differences, renunciation and compassion
                  nurture each other in dynamic interplay throughout the practice of the
                  path, from its elementary steps of moral discipline to its culmination
                  in liberating wisdom. The synthesis of the two, their balanced fusion,
                  is expressed most perfectly in the figure of the Fully Enlightened
                  One, who is at once the embodiment of complete renunciation and of
                  all-embracing compassion.



                  Both renunciation and compassion share a common root in the encounter
                  with suffering. The one represents our response to suffering
                  confronted in our own individual experience, the other our response to
                  suffering witnessed in the lives of others. Our spontaneous reactions,
                  however, are only the seeds of these higher qualities, not their
                  substance. To acquire the capacity to sustain our practice of Dhamma,
                  renunciation and compassion must be methodically cultivated, and this
                  requires an ongoing process of reflection which transmutes our initial
                  stirrings into full-fledged spiritual virtues.








                  share|improve this answer












                  share|improve this answer



                  share|improve this answer










                  answered 1 hour ago









                  ruben2020ruben2020

                  14k21241




                  14k21241























                      0














                      On the essential level, Buddhist practise brings equanimity. The modern world isn't really a place that inspires much appreciation. While it sounds like you have had difficulties in your life, even if these difficulties didn't occur, the world would be similar because these difficult experiences are symptomatic of the world. For example, for the last 7 years, proxy terrorists have been attacking the Syrian people and, now, since the the terrorists have been defeated, first the USA and today Israel is bombing the Syrian people. No one cares! The Western world has no more moral values. People just engaged in self-absorbed narcissism. These are opportunities to give up attachment to the world. But that you appreciate the Buddha; that is the best & something potentially of great value. I often talk to the Buddha. Its like the Buddha is my only true friend. When I talk to him; he replies with his wisdom (which naturally is just what I have read in the suttas).



                      When Buddhist preach all this condescending stuff about "compassion"; forget it. Its just non-sense. See the world clearly, develop equanimity and be beyond the world (per the Lokavagga).



                      I think we discussed leaving the city, before. You can always try here; even just for a day or weekend.






                      share|improve this answer


























                      • Hi thanks for your comments. I had a look at the Lokavagga but like much of the suttas I don't get it. It's written in this kind of mystical way that makes it impossible for me to get the underlying message. I get that it's saying to not be drawn in to the ways of the world but that's about it. I had forgotten about the wat so thanks for reminding me.

                        – Arturia
                        7 mins ago


















                      0














                      On the essential level, Buddhist practise brings equanimity. The modern world isn't really a place that inspires much appreciation. While it sounds like you have had difficulties in your life, even if these difficulties didn't occur, the world would be similar because these difficult experiences are symptomatic of the world. For example, for the last 7 years, proxy terrorists have been attacking the Syrian people and, now, since the the terrorists have been defeated, first the USA and today Israel is bombing the Syrian people. No one cares! The Western world has no more moral values. People just engaged in self-absorbed narcissism. These are opportunities to give up attachment to the world. But that you appreciate the Buddha; that is the best & something potentially of great value. I often talk to the Buddha. Its like the Buddha is my only true friend. When I talk to him; he replies with his wisdom (which naturally is just what I have read in the suttas).



                      When Buddhist preach all this condescending stuff about "compassion"; forget it. Its just non-sense. See the world clearly, develop equanimity and be beyond the world (per the Lokavagga).



                      I think we discussed leaving the city, before. You can always try here; even just for a day or weekend.






                      share|improve this answer


























                      • Hi thanks for your comments. I had a look at the Lokavagga but like much of the suttas I don't get it. It's written in this kind of mystical way that makes it impossible for me to get the underlying message. I get that it's saying to not be drawn in to the ways of the world but that's about it. I had forgotten about the wat so thanks for reminding me.

                        – Arturia
                        7 mins ago
















                      0












                      0








                      0







                      On the essential level, Buddhist practise brings equanimity. The modern world isn't really a place that inspires much appreciation. While it sounds like you have had difficulties in your life, even if these difficulties didn't occur, the world would be similar because these difficult experiences are symptomatic of the world. For example, for the last 7 years, proxy terrorists have been attacking the Syrian people and, now, since the the terrorists have been defeated, first the USA and today Israel is bombing the Syrian people. No one cares! The Western world has no more moral values. People just engaged in self-absorbed narcissism. These are opportunities to give up attachment to the world. But that you appreciate the Buddha; that is the best & something potentially of great value. I often talk to the Buddha. Its like the Buddha is my only true friend. When I talk to him; he replies with his wisdom (which naturally is just what I have read in the suttas).



                      When Buddhist preach all this condescending stuff about "compassion"; forget it. Its just non-sense. See the world clearly, develop equanimity and be beyond the world (per the Lokavagga).



                      I think we discussed leaving the city, before. You can always try here; even just for a day or weekend.






                      share|improve this answer















                      On the essential level, Buddhist practise brings equanimity. The modern world isn't really a place that inspires much appreciation. While it sounds like you have had difficulties in your life, even if these difficulties didn't occur, the world would be similar because these difficult experiences are symptomatic of the world. For example, for the last 7 years, proxy terrorists have been attacking the Syrian people and, now, since the the terrorists have been defeated, first the USA and today Israel is bombing the Syrian people. No one cares! The Western world has no more moral values. People just engaged in self-absorbed narcissism. These are opportunities to give up attachment to the world. But that you appreciate the Buddha; that is the best & something potentially of great value. I often talk to the Buddha. Its like the Buddha is my only true friend. When I talk to him; he replies with his wisdom (which naturally is just what I have read in the suttas).



                      When Buddhist preach all this condescending stuff about "compassion"; forget it. Its just non-sense. See the world clearly, develop equanimity and be beyond the world (per the Lokavagga).



                      I think we discussed leaving the city, before. You can always try here; even just for a day or weekend.







                      share|improve this answer














                      share|improve this answer



                      share|improve this answer








                      edited 18 mins ago

























                      answered 1 hour ago









                      DhammadhatuDhammadhatu

                      24.2k11044




                      24.2k11044













                      • Hi thanks for your comments. I had a look at the Lokavagga but like much of the suttas I don't get it. It's written in this kind of mystical way that makes it impossible for me to get the underlying message. I get that it's saying to not be drawn in to the ways of the world but that's about it. I had forgotten about the wat so thanks for reminding me.

                        – Arturia
                        7 mins ago





















                      • Hi thanks for your comments. I had a look at the Lokavagga but like much of the suttas I don't get it. It's written in this kind of mystical way that makes it impossible for me to get the underlying message. I get that it's saying to not be drawn in to the ways of the world but that's about it. I had forgotten about the wat so thanks for reminding me.

                        – Arturia
                        7 mins ago



















                      Hi thanks for your comments. I had a look at the Lokavagga but like much of the suttas I don't get it. It's written in this kind of mystical way that makes it impossible for me to get the underlying message. I get that it's saying to not be drawn in to the ways of the world but that's about it. I had forgotten about the wat so thanks for reminding me.

                      – Arturia
                      7 mins ago







                      Hi thanks for your comments. I had a look at the Lokavagga but like much of the suttas I don't get it. It's written in this kind of mystical way that makes it impossible for me to get the underlying message. I get that it's saying to not be drawn in to the ways of the world but that's about it. I had forgotten about the wat so thanks for reminding me.

                      – Arturia
                      7 mins ago













                      0














                      The truth is there is not so much thing in an ordinary human that is to be liked. If you can see that it can be a sign that you see the nature of reality more clearly and you're moving in spirituality quickly. It is better for you to either live in solitude or find a sangha, surround yourself with meditators who are at least have some degree of awareness that make them different then the ordinary people who are just enslaved by the evil nature of humanity.



                      I may be wrong, but as I remember Thich Nhat Hanh said that an ordinary person is like a "dead person". Who don't have awareness. I think "dead person" means "dead body" here. Because the being that leaves the body after death have awareness but the "body" don't. An ordinary person is really like a dead body or like a tree who don't really have awareness and living in complete darkness. So you can literally see an ordinary person as "mentally ill" and there is nothing wrong in that. This way of looking to the human world can grow compassion, understanding and equanimity in you. But the environment, society and the culture that effects the person makes a difference. There are places/cultures/environments in the world that really not so much different than "Mordor" LOL. If a person lives in a Western country or in a Buddhist country he/she can be grateful for living in "relatively" more sane societies. Also, in these countries you can build a "Sangha", which makes a huge difference in peace of your mind and your success in the Buddhist path of freedom from suffering.



                      https://www.britannica.com/topic/sangha






                      share|improve this answer






























                        0














                        The truth is there is not so much thing in an ordinary human that is to be liked. If you can see that it can be a sign that you see the nature of reality more clearly and you're moving in spirituality quickly. It is better for you to either live in solitude or find a sangha, surround yourself with meditators who are at least have some degree of awareness that make them different then the ordinary people who are just enslaved by the evil nature of humanity.



                        I may be wrong, but as I remember Thich Nhat Hanh said that an ordinary person is like a "dead person". Who don't have awareness. I think "dead person" means "dead body" here. Because the being that leaves the body after death have awareness but the "body" don't. An ordinary person is really like a dead body or like a tree who don't really have awareness and living in complete darkness. So you can literally see an ordinary person as "mentally ill" and there is nothing wrong in that. This way of looking to the human world can grow compassion, understanding and equanimity in you. But the environment, society and the culture that effects the person makes a difference. There are places/cultures/environments in the world that really not so much different than "Mordor" LOL. If a person lives in a Western country or in a Buddhist country he/she can be grateful for living in "relatively" more sane societies. Also, in these countries you can build a "Sangha", which makes a huge difference in peace of your mind and your success in the Buddhist path of freedom from suffering.



                        https://www.britannica.com/topic/sangha






                        share|improve this answer




























                          0












                          0








                          0







                          The truth is there is not so much thing in an ordinary human that is to be liked. If you can see that it can be a sign that you see the nature of reality more clearly and you're moving in spirituality quickly. It is better for you to either live in solitude or find a sangha, surround yourself with meditators who are at least have some degree of awareness that make them different then the ordinary people who are just enslaved by the evil nature of humanity.



                          I may be wrong, but as I remember Thich Nhat Hanh said that an ordinary person is like a "dead person". Who don't have awareness. I think "dead person" means "dead body" here. Because the being that leaves the body after death have awareness but the "body" don't. An ordinary person is really like a dead body or like a tree who don't really have awareness and living in complete darkness. So you can literally see an ordinary person as "mentally ill" and there is nothing wrong in that. This way of looking to the human world can grow compassion, understanding and equanimity in you. But the environment, society and the culture that effects the person makes a difference. There are places/cultures/environments in the world that really not so much different than "Mordor" LOL. If a person lives in a Western country or in a Buddhist country he/she can be grateful for living in "relatively" more sane societies. Also, in these countries you can build a "Sangha", which makes a huge difference in peace of your mind and your success in the Buddhist path of freedom from suffering.



                          https://www.britannica.com/topic/sangha






                          share|improve this answer















                          The truth is there is not so much thing in an ordinary human that is to be liked. If you can see that it can be a sign that you see the nature of reality more clearly and you're moving in spirituality quickly. It is better for you to either live in solitude or find a sangha, surround yourself with meditators who are at least have some degree of awareness that make them different then the ordinary people who are just enslaved by the evil nature of humanity.



                          I may be wrong, but as I remember Thich Nhat Hanh said that an ordinary person is like a "dead person". Who don't have awareness. I think "dead person" means "dead body" here. Because the being that leaves the body after death have awareness but the "body" don't. An ordinary person is really like a dead body or like a tree who don't really have awareness and living in complete darkness. So you can literally see an ordinary person as "mentally ill" and there is nothing wrong in that. This way of looking to the human world can grow compassion, understanding and equanimity in you. But the environment, society and the culture that effects the person makes a difference. There are places/cultures/environments in the world that really not so much different than "Mordor" LOL. If a person lives in a Western country or in a Buddhist country he/she can be grateful for living in "relatively" more sane societies. Also, in these countries you can build a "Sangha", which makes a huge difference in peace of your mind and your success in the Buddhist path of freedom from suffering.



                          https://www.britannica.com/topic/sangha







                          share|improve this answer














                          share|improve this answer



                          share|improve this answer








                          edited 7 mins ago

























                          answered 14 mins ago









                          Murathan1Murathan1

                          773




                          773






























                              draft saved

                              draft discarded




















































                              Thanks for contributing an answer to Buddhism Stack Exchange!


                              • Please be sure to answer the question. Provide details and share your research!

                              But avoid



                              • Asking for help, clarification, or responding to other answers.

                              • Making statements based on opinion; back them up with references or personal experience.


                              To learn more, see our tips on writing great answers.




                              draft saved


                              draft discarded














                              StackExchange.ready(
                              function () {
                              StackExchange.openid.initPostLogin('.new-post-login', 'https%3a%2f%2fbuddhism.stackexchange.com%2fquestions%2f30692%2fi-dont-like-people-but-i-like-buddhism%23new-answer', 'question_page');
                              }
                              );

                              Post as a guest















                              Required, but never shown





















































                              Required, but never shown














                              Required, but never shown












                              Required, but never shown







                              Required, but never shown

































                              Required, but never shown














                              Required, but never shown












                              Required, but never shown







                              Required, but never shown







                              Popular posts from this blog

                              GameSpot

                              日野市

                              Tu-95轟炸機